A cup of comfort

One day i decided to walk into my library. My eyes can't resist for 1 book for it's cover and title sooo good. A cup of comfort... Well this is one book that i need this time. It will give me a joy for reading and should be "able" to comfort me... right? So i took to the librarian and borrowed it.

At home, i couldn't wait to read that book. It's gonna be my great evening yay! (:
I opened page to page... and for days i red it's kindda make me disappointed... the book is not too good.... It's not make me "comfort". The stories just... I don't know, not touchy at all. It's very different from my fav book ever : Chicken Soup series. When i read Chicken Soup series, i can weep my eyes my hundred times and that book is v.great. Well i think i was fool by interesting cover and title ;p

i take my melo day... this day

maybe i shouldn't write about this... but i have a right to feel down sometimes. Yes this is august, my father's bday... it supposed to be his day. A month that always brings me to the sadness ever. A month that take me flash back years ago when i still had him. But maybe enough about this. It almost 3 years past and i must just let him go

Today i declaim this day as my melo day haha maybe too much hah? But it's true... I feel v.melo this day. I feel useless and incompetent. I feel so low and can't reach further. 

Today is the day that i wish i have a better life than i do now. The day that makes me regret something useless. The day that makes me pray for the smooth way... The day that i wish i could have something to be proud of... But this day is the day that makes me realize... i don't have any of those.. Makes me realize, the tears can't fall because i'm too da*n tire, burn out.... and need some air. Makes me realize... i don't have hope anymore...

But maybe if i save a little light like i used to be, maybe .... just maybe... it can save me from this hell... So, i think, i'm just doing my part with my v.best, pray to Thee... have a faith in Thy name... i'll become His fav daughter....

- The one who's need help -

BTLS

Bangkok Traffic Love Story

Waktu itu lagi nonton film di Blit* sama temen dan liat trailernya. trailer nya aja bisa ngbuat orang-orang tertawa ngakak ! wah nie film kudu cari bajak*nnya *ups hehe*. Setelah dapat, langsung g tonton di rumah. ternnyata beneran lucu dan cukup menghibur.

Diceritakan cewek single di Thailand sementara temen-temen yang lain sudah menikah, dy belum sama sekali. Cewek ini lucu, cantik, baik tp single. Sebenarnya seh bukan masalah besar ya single atau in a relationship tapi kadang masyarakat dan komunitas sering menganggap status single ini sebagai "penyakit" yang cukup memalukan. anyway balik lagi ke film ini. Ga ada masalah yang cukup berarti dalam hidup cewe ini hanya salah prinsip yang ditaruh oleh mamanya. Katanya aib ngejar cowo duluan atau suka sama cowo duluan jadi yang dilakukan cewe ini menunggu jodohnya datang. G sendiri percaya koq jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan tapi memang bukan berarti kita hanya berpangku tangan dan menunggu pangeran atau putri kan. Ya, inilah yang terjadi dalam hidup cewe dlm film BTLS.

Suddenly realize her age is about 30sumtink and long for her mate. Di sekitar g juga beberapa ada yang seperti itu. Katanya cewe ga boleh banyak milih... bener ga? Wah g ga tau deh yang pasti semuanya punya pendapat sendiri-sendiri dan kadang kita ga bisa langsung "comot" quote orang lain dan mengaplikasikan dalam diri kita. Ladies, not every quote is suit for us! Cari, pikirin quote kita sendiri.

Yang menarik dalam film ini adalah cowo yang disuka dan dikejar2 abis-abisan ternyata suka juga ma dy. Wah seneng banget akhirnya apalagi uda punya angan-angan: Yes, i"m getting marry!" Tapi co ini ditugasin ke lur negeri yang berarti mereka harus menjalani hubungan jarak jauh. Ga semua orang bisa menjalani hubungan ini, ga semua orang menolak hubungan ini. Sekali lagi, tergantung prinsip dan pendapat orang-orang.

Cewe ini sedih dan pergi ke teman baiknya. Teman baiknya bilang, "Kadang kita pacaran bukan hanya karena kita pergi makan sama co itu, atau kita nonton sama co itu. Tapi ada perasaan dicintai dalam hati kita yang membuat kita nyaman dan dimiliki. Perasaan itu lebih penting dari sekedar bertemu secara fisik." Ungkapan yang sangat dalam dan g bisa ngerti hal itu.

Tapi cewe ini bilang "Apa gunanya perasaan dimiliki dan dicintai tapi kalau ga bisa melakukan sesuatu bersama-sama" Pendapatnya sama kaya pendapat g yang dimana g juga butuh kehadiran fisik dari co itu, bukan sekedar ingin dapat perasaan dimiliki atau memiliki, tapi g butuh orangnya... fisiknya.
Akhirnya cewe ini menolak hubungan jarak jauh dan kembali single. Tapi setelah beberapa tahun co ini balik ke Thailand dan ya bisa ketebak akhir ceritanya, mereka jadian lagi.

Intinya, dari film ini buat g... ya g jadi sadar aja sebenarnya setiap pendapat dan persepsi mungkin ga ada yang salah. Sama ky pendapat cewe ini dan teman baiknya ketika menyingkapi hubungan jarak jauh. Tinggal balik lagi ke personal dan kebutuhan tiap orang. Ada orang yang kaya g: want to be treated like a princes so i need him to be around me; tapi ada juga yang memang ga perlu bertemu setiap hari.... LD (long distance) suit for me. Ada yang perlu co posesif sehingga ia merasa dicintai, dikagumi, dan dilindungi, tapi ada juga yang ga suka di-posesifin ky g dan merasa cemburu itu justru bukan sayang tapi ketidak percayaan dari sebuah hubungan. Semuanya macem-macem. Tuhan pasti memilih setiap kita jodoh yang cocok untuk kelebihan dan kekurangan kita.

Be blessed,
Esterlita

reunion part 1

disebut part 1 karena pasti ada reuni-reuni selanjutnya. sebenanrnya ga reuni juga kali ya secara kita masih "aktif" ketemuan seh hehe... tp seneng juga waktu itu karena beberapa orang uda lama ga ketemu, akhirnya nongol ;)

beberapa pictures ...
and i think we all got bless ;)

the feel being stuck

no doubt! i'm sick of that feeling.. feeling blue.. feeling grey... named any color and i've been through all of that.

it's literally not move at all. so weird of being something like that. in the other way well yeah i need go on my own business. where's mine? where's my cheese? who moved my cheese? well i didn't see my cheese before.. but it's kindda (already) moved! woaaaalllaaaa kind of surprise or something or magically moved? Ooo No.. here me again being forgot that i already moved somewhere between of the stimulus and respond... and i (once again: already) moved! not magically but already into cooked process. suddenly, weird and strange, i had those amnesia in my head and felt "why did i get these things?" loosing my mind or maybe i just got bump side of my head...

it's kindda fascinating, a brain had a trillion nerves and cells that could be a storage of thoughts, memories, analytic, musical, et cetera et cetera, and of course problems solving. did i just get a half of normally brain so i can't think how to solve a problems.. or my analytic competence so low so i can't get a win-win situation? well my IQ showed my analytic ability above average and my brain surely not just a half... but what could be make my life seems this way, a bad-situation.

"when He opened the door, no one can closed it... He will open it widely"
well i'm sure... but the question is, has He opened the door for me? that my reflection. i'm pretty sure He gave me this ways, but why i still stuck in the middle? why i feel something (many things) wrong? why i found myself worry? do i have a high tense? this questions killing me.. so please please go away...
for you all negative bad aura things, get out of my head and heart! i wanna breath a new air fresh one... and for all my problems... i give you... yes i give you : SMILE! ;D, the most powerful weapon...

and i hope i get Your blessing,
Esterlita

she's just a friend of mine

almost 8 years being friend, we're so closeeeee each other! we share our laugh, fun, sad, crazy but what??
Best friend, according to Aristoteles, best friend is persons become 1 soul....1 soul! did u get the message?? 1 soul means honesty, sincerely! when u hirt my soul, it means u hurt your soul too! have u feel hurt inside yours?! ohhhh of course not! u're just keep talking a bad in back of me...why not u're just talk it in front of me? oohhh i know, because u're just a CHICKEN! well, maybe i was wrong...i was too fast labelled u as one of my best friend... well u know what? FINEEEEE u're just one of a friend of mine! keep faking urself, keep wear ur mask....don't ever let go ur mask, honey, because u need it so badly! literally! hypocrate person... she's just hypocrate angel face wearing an ugly mask!!!

well, read this massage,,, if u read the massage, u'll know that ia mean is U... the lady...or not lady! she's just a gal! a gal who always wearing a mask in front of me, in front of everyone. a gal who always say i agree, but inside in her heart, she's yelling disagree. a gal who says "woowwww u're great!", inside saying "nooo, u're not ok..."

learn to say ur agreeness and disagreeness, plssss! learn to understand the meaning of word : FRIENDSHIP, BESTFRIEND! as i will do. and maybe someday we could be a best friend again... until that will happen and i don't know when, u're jus a friend of mine!

i'll learn to not loving u, i'll learn to not talk so much with u, i'll learn to not care so much about u... because u're just.... a friend of mine...

-Feel hurt-
Ester

HaNg OuT (part 1)

it was a blast of fun! yesterday me, my hon, my friend (Yeyen) and her husband (Leo) was hang out together. after they have been married for 1 months, they decided to move to their new house. me and my friend had a long plan to go visit their new house. unfortunely, my friend can' join for another reason. so, yesterday, me and my hon went to visit them.

it was a longgggg journey to Tangerang somewhere hahahaha... and when we (finally) arrived to their home, it's a new cluster and not bad actually. i entered the house, minimalist touch, i mean very minimalist... literally! haha. they just have A TV, a new refrigerator, stove, wash machine, bed, and wardrobe. they even not buy a sofa yet hahahaha... the house is very small, more little than mine, but very nice. 1 bedroom only, 1 bathroom, and small kitchen. i asked about the price. it was kindda sshock! it's only 80 IDR milllion! but me and my hon can't buy the house in here because it sooooooo faaaaarrrrrr awaaaayyyy form our work, fam, and friends :). but i like the house and touch of warmness inside ;)

we talked about 2 hours then we prepared go to my friend wedding in Karawaci. i only spent about 10 minutes in the wedding, jumped to the car, and ready to go to Lippo Karawaci. We hang out about 3 hours. it was fun hang out with them ;). if only our best friend can join, it will be more funnnn i think. sadly, she can't join our fun. we take a picture together...yeah always take a picture in everywhere...anywhere...! hahhaha..

when we entered the Hyperm*rt, we met a craf* cow! it's coooo cuteeee... hahahha... i just laugh and laugh when i saw the cow. he (or she? lols) waved to all customer, well esp the children hahahha... so ia had a naughty idea.... i want take pic with the cowwwww....hahahhaha ok quite embrassing because the cow always take a pic with the children, not with a adult...crazy one like us hahahhaha... and finally...this is it...me, my hon, and the cow hihihihihi ;)...so cuteeee!

well i think, we all got a bless :)
Ester

That Book Titled : Don't Sweat the SMALL Stuff

baru-baru ini g baca buku don’t sweat small stuff. ya i know it’s kindda too late ). tapi lebih baik baca daripada ga hehe karena buku itu sangat bagus. bagaimana slama ini g terperangkap dengan banyak hal kecil. pelajaran penting yang berharga adalah, kenyataan bahwa ketika kita terperangkap dengan pemikiran negatif, rasa bersyukur kita berkurang. hmm walaupun g cukup sering bersyukur dengan tulus, namun memang harus diakui, ketika hal-hal beraura negatif itu datang, g tdk lagi bersyukur untuk setiap hal yang g punya. tapi justru terbelenggu dengan kata-kata mujarab penawar rasa sakit hati : what if? if I can… if just… and the most my fav words… I wish i could … ;p.

kedua, kita selalu takut dengan perasaan bosan. kita selalu terprogram untuk mencari kesibukan, bahkan saat libur atau waktu luang. ketika kita bosan, maka ya kita bosan dan mencari kesibukan lain. bahkan menurut bapak penulis buku tersebut, kita harus menghargai saat-saat dimana kita merasa bosan. aneh juga…. dengan cara yang menarik hehe. menghargai rasa bosan…. ketika anak si bapak penulis blg “Pa, aku bosan”, si bapak berkata “bagus! nikmati kebosanan itu!” good advise I think …
mungkin maksudnya menikmati bosan meminta kita atau lebih tepatnya g, cuti sebentar dari semua pemikiran apapun… Tuhan hebat memang! Dia menciptakan otak yang sangat hebat… otak g sendiri ga bisa diem dan ga betah kalau ga mikir. ada aja yang dipikirin. jadi tepat memang buku ini buat g haha… don’t sweat the small stuff… i’ll try hard



love to share, be blessed
Ester

reasons i love Fridays....

harus diakui kalau Jumat itu lebih menggoda ketimbang hari lainnya. g pikir tadinya g doang yang merasa begitu sampe-sampe g berpikir "g males kerja banget seh hehhe". ternyata ga cuma g yang berpikir gitu tapi temen-temen g juga tu ;p. salah satunya yang membuat jumat taste so yummy adalah godaan untuk tidur sepanjang malam tanpa diributkan oleh suara alarm , wooops salah! di hari sabtu itu g menghidupkan suara alarm dengan sengaja. setelah alarm itu berdering dengan angkuhnya, g bangun, matiin tu alarm, lalu berkata dalam hati "hahahahaha i wonnn this time...i'm gonna back to sleep! i beat u!" 

hmm ok... it sounds really...freak? hahaha i don't care... i always enjoy such dump  feeling :))

ok balik lagi ke alasan mengapa suka jumat. here the things :

• hari jumat adalah waktunya kebaktian siswa. jadi benar-benar terasa sangat singkat si tik tok tik tok bergerak ;p
• jumat, kadang hunnybunny maen ke rumah, kalau dia ga sibuk, kalau g ga cape hahaha
• jumat, adalah hari dimana g bisa tidur sepuasnya..... ups did i mention that? ;))
• jumat, hari dimana g mematangkan rencana weekend g hahahahaha
• jumat, hari dimana g bisa tidur sangatttttt malam. biasanya sekalipun g uda ngantuk, g tetep maksain ni mata melek... berasa tuan putri yang terserah g mau ngapain kek nie malam hahahaha
• jumat, g ga perlu khawatir bangun pagi besoknya !!!! woopsss i did it again ;p
• that's why there's a quote said Thanks God it's Friday! ;)
• berasa jumat lebih panjang ! karena sekarang g pulang jam 4 nyampe rumah hahahaha.... lembur? iuuuyyy what's that? no more lembur lembur ga karuan, pulang malam ga jelas...hoammm i'm free now! ;D
• love jumat love jumat love jumat love jumat !

 Have a blessed Lovely Fridaeeeeeeeeee

Ester

welcome back... a new me..

hmm akhirnya sekian lama balik lagi menulis. yap sekian lama ditutup ma rasa malas. sebenarnya seh malas tapi biasa kadang argumennya sibuk hehe. ga terasa cepet uda masuk bulan April. Uda sampai dipenghujung nie... menunggu gaji lagi ;p,

beda rasa, beda situasi, beda hari... sekarang berada di lingkungan sekolah yang padahal dulu g males banget nyampe di sekolah hehe. banyak tanda tanya, kenapa ya koq seperti ini, kenapa seperti itu. mungkin karena beda jaman jadi terasa berbeda. sekarang mereka memanggul tas yang besar, bawa kotak makan untuk 2x istirahat, bawa kerajinan tangan; satu situasi yang benar-benar membuat g menghela napas dan bersyukur dulu SD ga merasa seperti itu. melihatnya kasian dan kejam sepertinya memperlakukan mereka yang notabennya masih berada di tahap bermain tapi "memaksa" mereka belajar sampai seperti itu. belum lagi les-lesnya yang cukup padat. tp mereka harus melakukan semua aktivitasnya itu supaya PINTAR haha jadi ketawa apa definisi pintar sebenarnya.

anak-anak itu polos dan menyenangkan. walaupun terkadang berubah jadi monster yang membuat g menghela napas berkali-kali di kelas dan membuat diam bengong hehe... tp tingkahnya polos. ada keasyikan tersendiri ketika dipeluk sama anak-anak atau ketika mereka datang ke kantor dan duduk di bangku, walaupun sebenarnya ga dipanggil dan itu waktu istirahat. atau saat mereka menyapa, bahkan waktu jalan-jalan di mal tanpa rasa malu mereka teriak : " Bu Esterrrrrr " dan anehnya mereka masih ingat "Bu kita pernah ketemu di sini kan bulan lalu" hahahaha...lucu.

jadi mari berangkat dari sini, hari-hari menapaki bidang baru, usaha membuka hati anak-anak, menerawang hati dan pikiran orang tua, menenggelamkan diri mencari informasi parenting dan teaching... sebutlah semua itu! aku adalah guru sekarang... bermimpi bisa mengajar dengan baik, dekat tapi tegas dengan anak-anak, menjadi perpanjangan tangan dari orang tua, berharap semakin dewasa dan berkembang, berharap gaji semakin besar(lho? hahaha)

jadi, ini adalah lembaran baru perjalanan mengaktualisasi diri dan pengharapan ;)

Be blessed,
Esterlita